


The Business of Fixing People

by BlueParabox



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: A Kinder Strex, Gen, Just subtler, Less Hammer More Scalpel, Not Kinder, Not that Kind of Scalpel, Post-Episode: e046 Parade Day, That's a lie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-20
Updated: 2014-09-20
Packaged: 2018-02-18 03:12:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2333150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueParabox/pseuds/BlueParabox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lauren and Daniel discuss what to do with Cecil after Parade Day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Business of Fixing People

The room was white and over-bright and altogether too small. The man inside prowled along the walls like a wild thing. He shouted because he knew they could hear him, though to all onlookers he was quite alone. "This isn't over, Strex! Night Vale won't submit to your fancy coffee and frozen yogurt and your productivity. We won't. You haven't won! You haven't..." Cecil Palmer broke off.

Only a whisper of the blinding fluorescent lights illuminated the two figures on the other side of the observation mirror. The woman smiled neutrally, as though her facial muscles were relaxed to some default expression. The man did not smile. His facial motors had been damaged in the skirmish.

"What are you going to do to him, Lauren?" the man said, his mouth moving a great deal less than it should. 

Lauren Mallard, VP of StrexCorp and Program Manager of Night Vale Corporate Radio paused to savor the life that rested in her hands. "Nothing," she said finally.

Daniel turned to her. "Nothing? But he just--"

"Cecil is an asset."

"Cecil Palmer has violated over 256 employee bylaws in the last 24 hours," Daniel sputtered. "He should be _fired_." They both knew quite well what he meant by that. It was defined on page 343 of the StrexCorp Employee handbook. The suggestion was appealing in some ways. It would be petty and gratifying and Smiling God knows he would deserve it after all the unproductive games he'd been playing. But... 

Lauren tutted. "This is why you aren't in management, Daniel: you lack _vision_." Lauren reached a finger up to the glass, outlining the shape of the man collapsed in the room's only chair. The man who had stopped shouting. She saw how bent he was, the tears he did not dare to weep. People were her business, and she knew them well. "Look at him: so very fragile."

"Then break him." 

Lauren scoffed, the smile replaced with a look of disgust. "We are not in the business of breaking people, Daniel. Broken people are notoriously unproductive."

"Cecil Palmer has been less than unproductive; his very presence on the air damaged the productivity of the whole town."

"If I wanted a puppet, I would put _you_ on the radio, Daniel," she sneered, pulling out a compact to check her Strex-brand natural-face makeup (TM). "Not everything survives being broken. The best, most brilliant parts of people rarely do. Cecil has certain unique qualities that StrexCorp finds valuable." When the mirror snapped shut, Lauren was smiling again, her face shadowed with trace amounts of sympathy. "I don't want Cecil _broken_. That would be such a waste. I want to fix him. I want to make him the best Radio Host in StrexCorp." 

Daniel blinked slowly. "Then Kevin--"

" _Kevin is not a permanent solution!_ " Lauren snapped. Then she closed her eyes and took a breath, the smile returning, strained now. "The Greater Desert Bluffs Metropolitan Area will one day be an enormous, thriving, _productive_ community under a single, Smiling God. One that will be simply _too_ big and _too_ productive for just one Community Radio Station. Of course, for now, Kevin has graciously agreed to bring his most valuable services to this little town that really needs it. But Desert Bluffs still needs Kevin, he can't stay here forever. Someday Night Vale will need its own voice."

The truth was a great deal more complicated and well above Daniel's pay bracket. Kevin was a miracle, a blessing from the Smiling God. Lauren knew this. She also knew that productive management did not rely on miracles to do their work. Her dossier had been flagged. She would not get another. This time, she would triumph or fail on her own. 

Daniel processed her implication. "Him?" He nodded to the man beyond the glass.

"The town and its radio host are very much alike, don't you think?" Lauren mused, her fingertips resting gently against each other. "They'll work with our boot to their necks, but their hearts just won't invest, leaving them tragically unable to reach their full productive potential. Of course we could _break_ their necks, and they'd still be useful enough as menial labor, interior design, food additives--but that's not what we want to do at all. The best employees are the ones who really _believe_ in the Company." Lauren turned to Daniel flashing a warm smile. "I would like Cecil to believe, wouldn't you?"

Daniel stared at her. For a long moment he was absolutely still. She could hear his brain whirring--metaphorically of course, Strex had progressed far beyond literal whirring, but metaphors were so difficult to stamp out. Daniel blinked, and said, "Cecil Palmer is only one man. He should not be your primary objective."

Lauren did not appreciate the slight tone of reprimand in the statement, but subtext was never Daniel's strong suit. It was not his job to be clever--merely to be efficient. One did not blame water for flowing downhill. The annoyance gave way to satisfaction as she peeled away the metaphors and euphemisms. How glorious it was to speak the simple truth: "Cecil isn't the objective, Daniel, he's the _plan_. Night Vale has guarded itself so tightly that people can't accept that there's a better way." She said, "They are so fragile, vulnerable, hopeless. Night Vale is a terrible place, and we are making it better. They know that and they want to let us in, they just don't know how. We need someone to open their hearts to a Smiling God. Someone they trust."

"You think Night Vale will follow him... _wherever_ he leads."

"It's human nature, Daniel. You can't defend your heart from what you want. Not really. Not the _real_ thing," Lauren said. "The most obstinate man may refuse water when dying of thirst, but he can't prevent his heart from asking for it." Something predatory crept into her smile. "Cecil holds the key to Night Vale's heart, and that's something we can't take away from him. He can only _give_ it to us."

Daniel regarded the radio host in silence for a long time. "Hm."

Lauren glanced over. "Is something wrong Daniel?"

"Nothing."

"Please. You don't make meaningless noises, Daniel; it's one of the things I like about you."

Daniel considered for a moment. "I have nothing _productive_ to add."

"Come now. I don't have all day." She was not one to be argued with.

"You have simply permuted the problem."

"How so?"

"Night Vale will not listen to you, but they will listen to Cecil. But as Cecil would rather die than listen to you, we are no closer to a solution."

"Well, not _yet_ ," she retorted, perhaps too forcefully. "Cecil is in no position to refuse us for long. His revolution is in tatters. He is adrift."

"Contract negotiations generally require that the party is willing to work for you."

Lauren scowled--as if she didn't know that. "I've done more with less."

But the difficulties with Cecil were far from cosmetic. In working with Cecil, Lauren had gained an appreciation for the man behind the mic: he was single-minded, focused, good with people, he had excellent initiative, he was charismatic, loyal, even _productive_ to his own ends. He had all the makings of a model employee. But it was his spirit she coveted the most. That's where the problem lay. His tenacity in resisting StrexCorp--channeled more productively--was his most attractive quality, and if she pushed too hard she might destroy it completely. But it was that obstinance that would shut down a more reasonable negotiation.

Lauren sighed. Cecil seemed less like a key and more like a more difficult lock. The sad thing was she knew precisely what he wanted--but the complete destruction of StrexCorp is not an acceptable concession. He would not budge for anything less. Lauren did not bite her nails, but a lesser woman might have started. There was nothing that Cecil wanted that she could give him. There was no face of the Smiling God he would be willing to accept.

Daniel interrupted her train of thought. "Cecil possesses an exceptional will. Perhaps we should be looking for a different key."

She was about to snap at him when she stopped, and smiled. Her smile was wide and vicious and mad and perfect. "Daniel, I'm a genius!" Without pausing she reached into her pocket for her phone and began walking toward the door. "Keep him busy, will you? Give him some receipts to alphabetize or something. He may throw things, but keep on him." She spoke over her shoulder, the call already started.

"You've had a breakthrough?"

Lauren just kept smiling. It was so obvious in retrospect. She had been thinking about the problem all wrong. Cecil might never let his guard down to her, but he didn't have to. She'd permute the problem into something simpler. Cecil was just another lock--and why break a lock when you can simply make a key? She would show Cecil a Smiling God in someone he trusted. Some one with a softer heart: more trusting, less focused. Someone who wanted something more than the destruction of StrexCorp. After all, you can't defend yourself from who you really want. 

"Hi," Lauren said into her phone as she receded down the hallway. "Could you pick someone up for me? I'd like to conduct a recruitment interview with a certain scientist..."

**Author's Note:**

> Don't worry, readers! By the time Lauren gets there Carlos is stuck in the House that Doesn't Exist. I am 100% Canon Compliant. (And thank Frowning God because--Eeeaagh. Why do I write these things?)
> 
> I wrote this piece after reading a lot of what I call "hard" mind control Strex stuff--using things like drugs, memory wiping, nanomachines or neuroimplants that override the person's will entirely. It occurred to me haven't seen a many versions of Strex engaging in "softer" methods of manipulation. Like, I personally think it's creepier if Strex works a bit harder in order to co-opt a person's talents for their own ends. This piece was conceived with the idea of giving Lauren and Strex a bit of, well, a bit of subtler approach to Cecil. Lauren is a really fascinating character and I liked doing this interpretation of her. Finding her voice to write in is a bitch though. It leaves me in cheerful corporate mode for HOURS. ...Is it bad that I sort of want her to come back? 
> 
> Please comment if you have time, I really enjoy hearing what people think.


End file.
